This is part of a series inside the series of my 101 Coffee Dates. It feels overwhelmingly pertinent to mention my Grandma Shirley’s role in all of this, part 1 is here>

I started talking to my Grandma Shirley in meditations. It felt like an easy way to connect with one of the women who had come before me. Whatever thing I was contemplating at the time, I would invite her into my meditation to guide me. When you are talking to yourself in meditation, it is entirely possible that the voice you are hearing is your own, but I’m not entirely sure it matters.

Grandma Shirley always encourages me to go after the thing on my heart, and she is astounded by the opportunities that I have that she never got to know. She urges me to have the time of my life and to suck the sweet marrow out of this one precious life of mine. She reminds me that I live in a wonderful time of opportunity and that I have everything to gain by swinging for the fences.

And she sits with me in my dilemmas as equally as she does in my disappointments. Which is actually where the idea for her Matchmaking Club started.

I met a man for the first time on a coffee date. He wasn’t my typical type, but he was attractive, a great storyteller, and by all accounts, the coffee date was a delight. As we headed to the parking lot at the end of our date, I caught a glimpse of one of his tattoos. I pointed at the one that looked like someone’s name and said “tell me more.”

The tattoo, it turns out, was his grandma’s name. He told me about his sweet relationship with her growing up, how she practically raised him. And when she passed he wanted something to remember her by.

I listened with rapt attention, and when he finished telling me about her, I asked the burning question on my mind: do you talk to her? To which he replied, yes. It felt like permission to tell him about my Grandma Shirley. And that conversation made it one of my favorite coffee dates.

I couldn’t wait to tell my Grandma about it. We squealed with delight at the fun of it all. And then when I never heard from the Man with the Grandma Tattoo again, I was bummed. While I love coffee dates, this is the hard part for me. Letting the comings and goings be easy. Some are easier than others. It’s not quite like a broken heart, how can it be after just an hour with someone. But it’s a little tear in my bubble of hope, if I was being honest. And of course I had to break the news to Grandma Shirley.

This version of her that I talk to, she understands disappointment, but she doesn’t see the point in lingering in it. She urges me to keep going in an onward-and-upward grandmotherly way, but she’ll listen for as many days as I want to talk about it.

And after a few days of talking about the Man with the Grandma Tattoo, an idea started to form. She would ask around to other grandmas. See who had single grandsons that might be a good fit. Perhaps she could find me more where this came from.

And so my Grandma Shirley’s Matchmaking Club started.

She passed over two decades ago, and it has only been recently that I started talking to her. It’s kind of like prayer, but instead of to God I’m talking to her. And ever since I started talking to her, she sends me signs in the form of a rose. It’s usually clever roses, hardly ever an actual rose flower.

And then I started talking to her about men, about how I was in a place where I wanted to meet the love, or a love, of my life. She listened and said she would ask around. See what other grandmas had single grandsons that might be a good fit.

I told my childhood best friend Janet about this, and we giggled as we remembered that we once choreographed a dance to the song Iko Iko, and we adapted the lyrics just for fun:

My grandma and your grandma, sitting by the fire. My grandma says to your grandma: I’m going to set your world on fire!

I imagine my grandma Shirley mingling with other dead grandmas and conspiring to “set my world on fire” with one of their grandsons. A few have come through, each with a sign of a rose. Not an actual bouquet of roses from said man, but that would be romantic. The signs have been subtler than that, as if a little cheeky wink from Grandma Shirley.

So far, the men with the rose signs have been more like bridge boyfriends than something long term. But that’s just sometimes how set-ups go.

So yesterday I was minding my own business, making a last-minute run to a dress shop for a last-minute photo shoot (for this morning). I walked into the shop and there was one other woman shopping. We both ended up heading to the dressing room at the same time so I chatted with her through the dressing room wall as we were trying on our things. Each time I tried on a new dress I exited the dressing room to check it out in the big mirror and I urged her to do the same. She was warm, but reluctant. So we just chatted through the wall instead.

One of the dresses in my dressing room haul was a white dress with red roses. Even though I am not big on patterns, red isn’t my typical color palette, and its midi-length is not my style, it caught my eye because of Grandma Shirley. I was trying it on for her more than anything else. And of the seven or so dresses I tried on, the red roses one was the only one that really stood out.

But now I was the reluctant one. I liked it, but it wasn’t a hell yes. So I set it aside at the register and contemplated it while I did a loop of the perimeter of the store to see if there was anything I had overlooked. As I did that the woman in the dressing room next to me checked out. And as she left out the front door of the shop, the woman who rang her up said: Bye, Shirley. I’ll see you next time!

…to be continued…

I had a colleague in the Atlanta office that I was working on a project with and one day I called her to run through a status update. It turned out there was a fairly long list of open items, and rather than divvy them up and get off the phone, we divvied them up and stayed on the phone. This was before Zoom, so we were on a good old-fashioned landline, and rather than hang up, we just got to work. We didn’t talk, but every 30 minutes or so, we would do a little check-in. It worked so effectively that when it was time to hop off, we agreed to do it again the next day, and the next.

The results were like magic! We worked a couple of hours a day like this to get that project across the finish line, and I am telling you: never have I ever gotten so much done with such ease. It felt like we entered into some magic portal where time slowed down and our ability to get things done sped up.

The Portal Has a Name

It turns out we did stumble upon a portal, and the portal has a name.

We created an environment where it was very easy to get into the zone. And once we were in the zone, we were on fire! Clear, focused, confident, energized, and knocking things out as if time stood still.

Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi spent decades studying what he called the optimal experience. It’s that feeling of being your best while doing your best, and he called it flow.

For flow to happen, a few things need to be true. The task has to be challenging enough to hold your full attention, but not so hard that it triggers panic. You need a clear goal. And you need immediate feedback so your brain knows it’s on the right track. When those conditions are met, the inner critic goes quiet, the never-ending to-do list stops running in the background, and you access a version of you that is not just capable of doing the thing but actually does the thing, and with ease and delight.

It sounds like magic, but it’s also backed by science. It turns out that in flow state, the brain releases a cocktail of neurochemicals that make you feel amazing. Not just dopamine, but serotonin and endorphins, and two others that, when combined, offer the most rewarding brain state you can enter. Which means flow is not just good for getting stuff done; it feels incredible.

In a nutshell: Flow is when your best work comes from your easiest hours.

It’s Not As Elusive As You Might Think

Most people talking about flow will convince you that it’s elusive, that there are 9 conditions to accessing it, that it’s the thing of elite athletes and top performers, and that it can be quite hard to access.

But I’ve experienced the opposite. On the contrary, I think it’s quite accessible. My lived experience from hanging out on a phone call with a colleague was that it actually can be quite easy. What we stumbled upon on that project was a thing called body-doubling, and if you ask me, it’s the cheat code to the magic portal of flow state.

Body-doubling is when you work alongside someone else, not in a traditional sense, but just being in the same virtual space at the same time while you each do your own thing. The presence of another person creates just enough social accountability that clarity comes quickly, distractions fade, focus drops in, and the portal opens.

These days, it can take a Herculean effort to focus on a single thing. Not because we aren’t capable, just because there is so much competing for our attention. And where your attention goes, your energy flows. Body-doubling is how you take back your attention and get your energy flowing for matters most right now.

Entering into the Portal

The only thing better than body-doubling with one other person, is body-doubling with more. I call it a co-hort, and I’ve been doing it every week for the past year. Every Friday, we hop on Zoom, connect on what we are clear on, and collectively enter the portal.

Very simply: we do focused blocks of deep work together, each working on our own thing. But it’s more fun than just that. There are dance breaks, there’s show and tell, and the option to linger longer for the afterparty. And the cherry on top is that you leave on an absolute high!

But don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself! You can experience this on your own anytime by scheduling a zoom focus session with a friend or, even better, friends (plural). If you’re curious about my Friday Sessions, you’re invited. Click here to let me know you’re coming and get access to the zoom link to join.

And if you are ready to go all in and make this a 21 project, that’s exactly what I’ll be doing starting Monday, June 8. I’m calling it the Daily Dose, and you find those details here.

Daily Dose Details

Flow state to a glow state!

Stay tuned for pt 2.

There was a lot of initial synchronicity, including the fact that we both had early active Saturday mornings in nearby parts of town. He was refereeing back-to-back soccer games, and I had two beach yoga groups lined up. So it was an easy yes when he invited me to coffee near where I was teaching yoga.

What started as coffee turned into lunch. Once the restaurant closed, we lingered longer in some chairs under the palm trees, and when it got too hot outside, made our way to the crisp air conditioning of the dive bar next door.

It was filled with ease, vibrancy, and connection, and I was glad that, for once, I didn’t have anywhere else to be.

“Re-entry is at least 10 times wilder of an experience than any rocket launch.”

In order to launch, the shuttle must be propelled with enough explosives to overcome Earth’s gravity. It hits 1,000 mph in the first minute and keeps accelerating until it reaches orbit. Astronauts have described it as insanely loud, overwhelmingly shaky, and with a force that feels like someone is sitting on your chest.

What could be 10x wilder than that?

Gravity

Where the launch away from Earth was all about resisting gravity, the return was all about riding it.

Gravity is a celestial force of attraction, and it is always attracting:

🌎 Earth’s gravity attracts our feet to the ground

☀️ Sun’s gravity attracts Earth into a 365-day orbit

🌕 Moon’s gravity attracts our oceans to create our tides

For the astronaut’s return, all they had to do was get into the flow of gravity. First, they rode the Moon’s gravity, which slingshotted them back in the direction of Earth without the need for fuel. And then once they entered Earth’s gravitational force, it pulled them all the way back home. The return was all about letting gravity work its magic!

And it turns out it is 10x wilder to ride gravity than to resist it.

I watched the press conference held 6 days after the astronauts’ return. Gravity physically held them to their chairs, but energetically, they were levitating. There was a high you could feel through the screen. As cool as it must have been to see the dark side of the moon, their enthusiasm didn’t end there. They were excited to get to work planning for next.

The Secret to 10x Wilder

And it got me thinking, if gravity is the celestial force of attraction that makes everything 10x wilder, what’s our personal equivalent?

I wrote recently about how I have lived a life obsessed with opportunity. Having lived most of my life for the thrill of the chase, I am contemplating how to chase less and attract more.

While I feel really proud of so many things I’ve accomplished over the past few years, it’s mixed with tinges of disappointment for opportunities that seemed so promising but never fully formed. I am struck by the fact that my ideas outweigh my capacity. I am impatient in the process of literally everything. And I crave a force of attraction so strong that it makes the experience 10x wilder.

As I reflect on my own experiences, I am also looking for clues to the obvious all around me. From the astronauts’ collective experience, all I can see is an invitation to double down on what you love and become absolutely delighted by it.

Gravity is the celestial force of attraction.

Enthusiasm is our personal force of attraction.

What if our own personal force of attraction that makes everything 10x wilder is that simple?

Delight.

I’ve tapped into it before, and I’m sure you have too. So tell me, what thrills you? What are you so enthusiastic about that you practically levitate?

And don’t get me wrong, I have had rich experiences that don’t cost a thing. But if I had my druthers for a first date, I’d be sipping expensive coffee over good conversation with an attractive man in a bougie hotel with an aesthetic lobby.

Which is exactly how I found myself walking up to my favorite hotel, my date waiting for me on the steps to the lobby.

“Did you have any trouble finding parking?” he asked.

“Easy, peasy. I parked on the street. How about you?”

I am not sure if it was any trouble for him or not, but this man did not find a spot on the street. Instead, he valet-parked, to the tune of $50.

I gasped.

Here’s my case for a first date coffee date:

• Coffee will never bum me out, I love it so much. And being absolutely stoked is the frequency I am going for. It helps if your date also likes coffee, but it’s not essential. Like what you like, want what you want: that’s your frequency.

• It is intentionally stingy with your time and energy. Your frequency is expensive, honey; this is how you treat it like an absolute luxury item. And what a wonderful litmus test: if you leave wanting more that’s your clue that you should say yes to a second date.

But back to Mr. Valet.

I gasped because I thought it was wild to valet for a coffee date. But then I realized, he just upgraded my druthers for a first date (adds “who treats my time and energy like it’s expensive and worth it”).

Coordinating anything with Ron is always filled with such ease: loose plans and I’ll see you when you get there. It is intentional, without being over-engineered. And the whole point is connection. On a recent coffee date between friends, we met on the beach to paddleboard to coffee.

Fun-in-the-sun vibrancy and vacation-vibe ease meet intentional connection and coffee-with-a-view luxury.

Yes, we chose a vibey destination and lively conversations, but don’t get it twisted. Our surroundings made it that much easier to get into our frequency, but we were the frequency that day.

el-də-’rä-(,)dō : a place of fabulous wealth and opportunity

Before that email, I didn’t know there was a word that captured so perfectly everything I craved about life. I immediately took it on as a personal mission statement: I would be the girl Chasing El Dorado.

I was a young associate at an accounting firm at the time, and I began to see everything through the lens of opportunity. I went back to school for my law degree because I expected it would give me more opportunities. When I graduated, I chose a consulting firm over a law firm — because it felt like the better opportunity. When the potential to transfer to my firm’s New York office presented, I went because, of course. I was the girl chasing opportunity.

But here’s the thing about chasing anything: it gets exhausting.

I had made all these big moves and reaped all the rewards that came with them, but your girl was exhausted. I loved chasing opportunity; it was thrilling! But maybe I could find the same thrill in smaller doses.

After a decade of chasing big opportunities, I had a new idea: what if I microdosed on it instead! My moment of clarity found me on a yoga mat in midtown Manhattan. My mission statement was evolving, I would be the girl Microdosing El dorado. Every month, I would choose one small thing to chase/commit to for 21 days. Sounds like habits, and felt like the baby steps of opportunity.

And it worked!

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In my 21 days of running, I became the person who fell in love with running again. Which led to me running the most magnificent marathon of all time: the Marathon du Medoc in Bordeaux.

Along the way of 21 days of no-spend, I became the person who got creative with what she already had. Which led me to buy my dream apartment in NYC.

During my 21 days of not being late, I became the person who stopped over-committing. This gave me the confidence to start making bigger career moves, ultimately leading me to the opportunity of a lifetime at work.

And on my 21 days of yoga, I became the person who tamed her monkey mind. I signed up for my first yoga retreat in Tulum a month later, which led me to yoga teacher training, and eventually hosting my own retreats.

These micro habits led me to a macro lesson on opportunity:

• It is bursting at the seams of life, and opportunity abounds

• It’s less about getting the “thing” and more about who I became along the way.

Chasing El Dorado, big and small, has been insanely fun. I became the girl who could see it everywhere and who has used it as a means to an end to live life to the hilt.

But I feel a shift happening again, like my personal mission statement needs a refresh. El Dorado still resonates with me, but what would it look like if instead of me chasing it, opportunity chased me?

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….to be continued, as I figure out exactly what that looks like…

In the meantime, create a little inspo corner in the comments section: what opportunity are you living right now, and did you chase it or vice versa?

And I don’t mind if I do. Take my time.

I haven’t always been this way. In fact, I’m not actually this way. I have an impatient part (I call her little-miss-impatient). She has a somewhat unhealthy relationship with time in that she craves urgency. Which is why she is absolutely JAZZED that the year of the fire horse suggests a year of “fast & furious.” Fire horse, let’s goooooooo!

But I do know better, and it felt really good starting slow this year. Which got me thinking about the paradox of time: that we have to go slow to go fast.

As we move from a year of shedding to a year of momentum, I wonder if we can afford to do anything else except start slow.

What Does That Even Mean

The thing about a paradox is that, at first glance, it sounds contradictory. How can it be possible that to go fast, you have to go slow?

The Winter Olympics give us a glimpse of what this looks like for some of the top athletes in the world. They teach us that even with innate talent, the process of being the best is a slow one. Spending years, even decades, developing their skills and honing their craft; that is the slow part. But once they make it to the world stage, everything happens so fast!

Take Eileen Gu, the Chinese-American freestyle skier, who took the 2026 Winter Olympics by storm. She took home 3 medals and in doing so became the most decorated freestyle skier in Olympic history. She described her experience of competing in the Olympics as: “years of work, effort, dedication, fear, despair, ecstasy, and hope all in 30 seconds.”

She went slowly to go fast.

How to Go Slow

If the year of the fire horse is going to be fast, let’s start slow.

Not lethargic-slow. Not lazy-slow.

Strategic-slow. Like an athlete who knows that their years of work, effort, dedication, fear, despair, ecstasy, and hope are going to pay off all at once.

And here’s the secret to going slow: you can’t be a magical thinker about time.

Magical thinking can look like: the propensity to run late, the trend toward procrastination, or consistently underestimating how long things will take.

It can also look like: getting sucked into the scroll on social media, avoiding things that have to get done, or never quite finding focus during the day.

Magical thinking sounds harmless, but it can be a form of self-sabotage. And if things are about to get fast, the best way to go slow is to experiment with some smarter habits around time.

Smarter Habits

Habits are the ultimate way to go slow to go fast. Committing to them can feel insanely slow, but once they start compounding, they build momentum fast.

Here are a few ideas for smarter habits around:

🤷🏼‍♀️If you have no idea where your time goes: calendarize everything. Every task, every commitment, travel time, everything. If it’s not on the calendar, it doesn’t exist. To make this a habit, carve out time every morning to review and make sure everything’s on there, and time at the end of the day to look at the next day.

🤦🏼‍♀️If you tend to run late or otherwise underestimate how long things take you: give yourself 1.5x the time you think it will take. Factor it into every day.

🙅🏼‍♀️ If you have a propensity to procrastinate: do one thing you’ve been avoiding, every single day. Just one. Bonus points if you build in accountability.

🙆🏼‍♀️ If you need to find more time in your day: try energy blocking. Identify your highest energy window and protect it for your most important work. Every day.

Pick one. Try it for 21 days. Go slow, to go fast.

One thing I am choosing to believe in the year of the fire horse is that time is on my side.

I hope you will too!

Which one of these are you going to try? And what would you add? Drop it in the comments or swing by the habit club on Friday!

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When it comes to the lunar new year, I can best be described as someone with casual curiosity. This time last year I learned two things at once: that it was the year of the snake and that I was born in the year of the snake. That synchronicity was the only sign I needed to lean in.

And by that I mean that I did exactly two things:

• Nod to the Snake: I wanted to add a little something to my environment as an homage to the year of the snake. Snake art isn’t quite my aesthetic, but snake plants are! I consolidated my snake plants into a single planter and found the perfect spot in my space to put them on display!

• Rituals around the Moon: Since the lunar year revolves around the placement of the moon, I decided to create rituals that would put me in tune with it. I embraced “fresh start” energy for every new moon, and “reflection” vibes for every full moon. And just for fun,has played around with making moon water and co-created full moon nights with my nieces and new moon rituals with my besties.

All this to say, it was all just FUN!

When I read that the snake symbolizes shedding and letting go, I just thought: good luck, I’ve already shed everything. But had I? In years prior, I had shed big things: my New York City identity, my corporate girlie life, romantic relationships that had run their course, any possession that wasn’t on high ground at the time of the flood. What else could there possibly be to shed?

The Remnants

This year has been about shedding and letting go of the remnants of all of the big things that were already gone. I shed my nyc phone number and switched to a local one. I realized one day that my bed frame was one that an ex-boyfriend had given me, and once I saw that, I couldn’t unsee it, and it had to go. Just to name a few. The shedding didn’t feel big or monumental, instead it felt light, and obvious.

Where the shedding of the big things felt like letting go, shedding the remnants has felt like just making space. And making space has felt SO good. Like less clutter and more clarity.

To Make Space

And with the next lunar new year fast approaching, I have been craving making as much space as possible for what is coming next. January has definitively been tidying and organizing vibes and here are 3 things I’ve been giving my energy to:

1. A Wall Calendar

What a Google Calendar it offers in convenience, it lacks in a visual big-picture. Which is why I need both! This year I’ve gone bigger than ever…

…and I’m obsessed. It gives me space to see all the things: events, birthdays, key dates and dream-trips-not-yet-booked all at once.

If you want to do it too, it’s very DIY friendly:

• Calendar: this is a link to the calendar template I used, which I added moon dates to and then had printed out in 11x17 (ledger-size) cardstock at Office Depot.

• Frames: these were my inspo, but this is what I went with. I bought 12 of the 12x16 size.

• Accessories: this is exactly what I am using to fill out the calendar now that it is hanging on the wall: rounds, washy-tape, sticky tabs.

Seeing the big picture of the year does something to my brain: I can see patterns, conflicts, and opportunities much more clearly. And setting it up feels like making space for what lies ahead. It will fill with events, projects, and travel as time goes on, but for now, it feels like space for possibility and opportunity.

2. Closet Space

I read The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up exactly 10 years ago. My work bestie gifted it to me after a big breakup, and it was, in fact, life-changing. In a nutshell, it’s all about asking yourself if something “sparks joy” and keeping only the things that are an “absolutely yes”.

I went through my closet this week to clear more space, and it felt so good! In case you need a little nudge to do the same, I share this little nugget from the book, which resonated with me:

The space in which we live should be for the person we are becoming now, not for the person we were in the past.

3. Habit Refresh

Rather than feel pressured to start all the good habits all at once, what if you just made space for one habit you already know works for you?

My favorite way to make space for better habits is by reviving an old one. Starting a totally new habit when you have no idea if you even will like it is madness when you can just restart a habit you know you already love. For me, that’s cold plunging. I do it throughout the year, but the only time I do it every single day is in January.

If you are craving a little habit refresh, it’s not too late to get in on the action. To find the right habit for you, consider:

• A habit you have done before that you know delights you

• A habit you have easy access to and can commit to doing every day

• A habit that can be done in 10 minutes or less (2 minutes is ideal!)

• A habit that you can enlist a bestie to do with you for easy accountability

It will give you the perfect little “I still got it” boost that feels so good and ultimately clears out all the mental clutter from the “shoulds” and gives you space to feel like your best! There are 21 days until the new lunar year, perfect timing for your habit refresh!

Which of these will you try, or what would you add to this list?

For Next

On February 17, we begin the year of the fire horse. From what I have read, it represents ambition and opportunity coming through fast and furious. I just discovered that I each animal has an element associated with it and it turn’s out I was born in the year of the “fire” snake. The synchronicity has me wanting to lean in once again, and I can’t wait.

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I have taken it slow and steady because I have learned that “haste makes waste” anytime I’ve tried to do too much too soon at the beginning of any new year. It hasn’t always been this way. There were many years where I bought into ALL THE JANUARY 1st THINGS! Resolutions and goal setting, and all the better habits, all at once. My vision board was feverishly thrown together, and my extensive and exhausting morning routine was activated.

The problem was, and still is, that all of that feels frenzied and frenetic and (for me anyway) has never been sustainable. It always felt like I was trying to make up for lost time, usually made me feel bad about myself when I couldn’t keep it up, and ultimately just set me up for failure.

Until I discovered another way. A better way to harness this new year fresh start energy, with less frenzy, more ease, and exponentially better and longer-lasting results.

My Year of 21 Days

I started my New Year’s Day 2013 on a yoga mat in a yoga studio on the Upper East Side in New York City. I wasn’t a yogi at the time; I was just craving something that felt slow and intentional. And at the end of class, the instructor gave us a single invitation: to set our intention for the year.

And in that slow and intentional space it became so clear to me, this was the year for being Best Me! A whole year of making decisions and setting goals, and building habits that would get me to Best Steph.

It became a year of asking the same questions over and over again. Does this make me feel like Best Me? What can I do to feel like Best Me? What would best me do? Anything that got me closer to Best Me: proceed enthusiastically. Anything that got me further away from Best Me: adjust expeditiously.

And the year that unfolded was pure magic. Over the course of the year, and supported by Best Me habits, my whole life upleveled: I bought a condo, I ran my fastest marathon, I met one of my besties, I advanced at work, I secured a spot on the board of my building, I could go on and on. What started as a Manifest-OH! created momentum where the only natural result was: best Steph!

Manifest-OH!: What It Is

A traditional manifesto is just a public declaration of one’s core beliefs. People can have them, companies can have them, they can be in the form of a book, a mission statement, or even a slogan. Carpe Diem is the manifesto from the movie Dead Poet’s Society. The Four Agreements is a manifesto by author Don Miguel Ruiz. And Nike’s co-founder Phil Knight penned 10 leadership principles that are referred to as the Nike Manifesto.

A manifest-OH!, which is my take, is a personal power statement with an emphasis on two things:

1. aligning your inner and outer world (“manifest”)

2. with a sense of delight (OH!).

And writing it at the beginning of the year gives you a clear and delightful operating system for your year. Who do you want to be? How do you want to feel? What is most important to you in this moment? Now make it a manifest-OH!

That first year, little-miss-BEST ME, my manifest-OH! looked something like this:

• I am becoming the BEST version of ME

• I choose habits that make me stronger, smarter, healthier, and more financially responsible.

• I give myself a whole year for BEST ME to show up, playing with one new habit a month.

It delighted me, and it became my operating system. From habits, to routines, to everyday decisions. When in doubt I only had to ask the question: does this get me closer to or further away from best me.

I give you that personal example because it’s my own. And I have one for nearly every year since then. It starts with a power statement framed around how I want to feel and then gets built out based on what it means to me. It’s highly personal, super effective, and imo the best way to kick off the start of the new year.

Manifest-OH!: How To Write Yours

I wrote my 2026 Manifest-OH! last weekend and invited besties & new friends to join me (you can catch the replay here). Here is the step-by-step for writing yours:

1. Get Ready: Find a cozy spot, pour your favorite bevvy, grab a journal and your favorite pen.

2. Get Centered: Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, concentrating on the space between your eyebrows. You want to be able to access your own inner wisdom and knowing for writing yours; this helps access that.

3. Rate Your Current State: From 1-10 (10 being amazing!), rate the following 4 categories of your life as they stand right now: Health, Relationships, Career, Finances. Circle the one you rated the lowest.

4. Answer this: How Do You Want to Feel?: For the category you rated the lowest, how would you feel if you increased that rating 2-4 points in the next year? How would that make you feel? How do you want to feel in this particular area? Use this guide for inspo and write down as many words as you want. The words you choose should resonate for you, delight you, and spark enthusiasm.

5. Narrow It Down: Is there a theme to the feeling words you chose? An overarching word that feels the most emotional, exciting, and perfectly suited for you? What is the theme of the words you selected? See if you can narrow it down to a single word.

6. Define It: Now define what that word means to you. This is where you can use some of the other words you selected. I also like to look up the definition of the word for inspo. You really want to make this your own; it should mean something personal.

7. Now Make it a Manifest-OH!: The first line of your manifest-OH! should start with I am, I have, I live, or I do, and then fill in the blank with your THEME word. The rest is what that looks like, feels like, sounds like to you. See if you can break your definition into bullets. Use this guide for inspo and to get your creative juices flowing.

Your Manifest-OH! Attracts SynchrOHnicities

The secret magic of a manifest-OH! is that it attracts synchronicities. Those unexpected little delights that feel like coincidences beyond your control. When synchronicities show up, it is a signal of your inner state aligning with an outer event, and it is a sign that your Manifest-OH! is manifest-ING! To attract more synchronicities, let your Manifest-OH! take up space in you life.

Here are some ways to do that:

• Set an Alarm on Your Smartphone: open the clock on your phone, click “add a new alarm” and choose a time when you know you will be awake (11:11 or 2:22 is fun!) and repeat it every day. In the “label” section add your manifest-OH! It could be as simple as “I am Best Me” or my favorite “Now be 10% more of your best self”…insert your word of choice, naturally.

• Make A Question of the Day: “What is one thing I can do today to feel more ___” make that your question of the day.

• Make It Visible: Make your Manifest-OH! your screensaver, make it a note on your phone, post it somewhere you can see it on the regular.

Give Your Manifest-OH! Momentum

It starts with a Manifest-OH! and to give it momentum you need aligned action. That’s where habits come in.

That first year of Best Me I decided to commit to one habit each month to build my momentum. My habits ran the gamut:

• healthier habits (yoga, running, spinning)

• richer habits (not taking taxis, keeping a cash budget, no shopping)

• smarter habits (not being late, learning a new skill, reading a new book)

• hotter habits (meditating, morning pages).

Some I loved and they became my identity: this is who I am now. Some I decided were not for me after all, which was also cool because I didn’t have to waste my time or energy with them once I realized they weren’t for me.

Twelve months of slow and steady and sustainable habits changed everything for me. Three years before the book Atomic Habits would conceptualize the idea that small changes leading to big results, I lived it and still live it. This is where I tell the stories of habit experiments and the lessons learned.

This is part of a series on January things, sharing how I am starting 2026 to set myself up for success for the next 365 days. Hint: it’s slow but intentional.

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But many of us have a complicated relationship with resolutions (and anything goals-adjacent, for that matter) because we know that they will feel like a trap the moment we can’t keep up with them.

Only this year IS DIFFERENT.

You don’t need another resolution. You need a Manifest-OH!

What’s a Manifest-OH?

I’m so glad you asked!

It’s your personal manifesto: a declaration of what you believe is true, possible, and available for you. It’s the why before you even begin manifesting the life of your wildest dreams. It’s the powerful statement that will inform everything else that comes next in the new year.

What comes next?

Well, that’s up to you!

But first, you need a Manifest-OH!

Introducing: Manifest-OH!

I hosted a free masterclass for writing yours:
🔥 the power of creating your own personal Manifest-OH! for the upcoming year
🔥 why it's the foundation of everything that comes next (goals, habits, your best year yet!)
🔥 a simple framework & live exercise for creating your Manifest-OH! for 2026
🔥3 practices for keeping your Manifest-OH! at the front and center of your year

What You'll Walk Away With:
🍾 Clarity for what you are calling in for this season
🍾Your one-line Manifest-OH! for the year (& ideas for continuing to add to it throughout the year
🍾 3 specific practices for incorporating your Manifest-OH! into your everyday

The Recap is Here

I’m offering it for free because I think it will be one of the best things you do all year (with or without joining the club)!

For so long, I bought into all the resolution hype, new year-me! I’d start the year enthusiastically, but soon realize the change was unsustainable. And the worst part, when I fell off my resolutions, I made it mean something about me: I wasn’t disciplined enough, motivated enough, I didn’t want it enough.

And then I tried a different approach. I started my year with an intention for how I wanted to feel. And it became my manifest-O: I manifested feeling that way and the life that comes with it!

It became less about everything I needed to DO, and more about aligning my life to feel the way I wanted to feel. And that made all the difference!

And the best part? You don’t have to be disciplined or motivated; you just need a better start to the year.

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The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

This is the time of the year that our normal rhythms and routines tend to make way for holiday cheer, quality time with family and friends, and navigating travel or hosting duties. For me personally, the frequency and length of my normal workouts has diminished. Not to nothing, but certainly not to pre-Thanksgiving levels.

That’s what I love about micro habits: the whole point is to stay consistent during the most wonderful time of the year. And as we count down to the end of the year, I hear my younger self urging me: just make it all play!

Healthier Habits: Exercise

Exercise is another one of those keystone habits that gives you so much juice for the squeeze and hits it all:

• Healthier. Moving your body boosts your immune system, improves cardiovascular health, and improves your overall quality of life. It’s the foundation that makes everything else work better.

• Hotter. Exercise gives you that glow that no amount of skincare can replicate: increased energy, better mood, more confidence and that post-workout radiance that comes from the endorphins flowing.

• Smarter. Working out literally grows your brain by increasing blood flow and promoting neuroplasticity. It sharpens focus, enhances memory, and reduces brain fog. Some of your best ideas will come to you mid-movement.

• Richer. When you’re energized and clear-headed from exercise, you show up better in every area of life...Healthy is wealth, honey!

TLDR; exercise is one of those total package of habits: it will make you hotter, richer, smarter, and healthier.

And the secret magic to creating consistency? Making it play, obviously.

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Crafting Your End-of-Year “PLAY” List

Remember that Christmas morning energy? When you couldn’t wait to try out your brand new toy? That thrill is still available to you. You just have to tap into it, here’s a quick guide to how to do it:

1. What would younger-you delight in? To answer this question, consider culling through old photos of yourself to look for clues, ask your parents or siblings what kind of activities they remember you loving, or just close your eyes and see if you can connect with younger-you and ask her! This is the start of your play-list.

2. What thrills today-you? Not what you should be doing or could be doing, what would be an absolutely yes for you if someone called you up and said “let’s go…” Consider activities you have done this year that could qualify as exercise and jot down all the ones that totally lit-you-up. This is the continuation of your play-list.

3. Make it more fun with friends (or make it a family affair). Long overdue for a much needed catch up with a friend? Opt for something active instead of traditional lunch or drinks plans. Do you have kids in your life that are unwrapping new fun toys that they can’t wait to play with? Go play with them. This is where you take your play-list into real life.

4. Decide your smallest dose: Go through your play-list and identify at least one thing on the list that doesn’t take long and call it your smallest dose. Have more than one smallest dose if you can, for the days when you literally only have a minute to spare. Maybe it’s dancing to your favorite song, maybe it’s skipping to the end of the driveway and back. This is where you give yourself an easy-button on your play-list.

5. Recreate that new toy thrill: Borrow or buy a new thrilling thing to play with for fun and exercise and create that new toy thrill. It doesn’t have to last, you don’t have to stick with it for 21 days, it just has to delight you to try it out. This is where you add a shiny-object to your playlist in the form of a new toy.

Prioritize play, sweetie, and the rest will follow!

May Your Days Be Merry & Bright,

Steph

City Lights

I’m a March baby and this little Pisces starlet lovvvves celebrating another year around the sun! I can remember nearly each and every celebration, none the least of which was the year the world shut down. Which, of course, turned out to be less of a celebration and more of a turning point. But, I know I don’t need to remind you: it was a time.

I was planning a trip to Paris for my birthday that year. And as it turns out, while birthdays wait for no one (I still turned another year older, afterall), my flight got cancelled a couple of days before my trip and Paris would have to wait for another day.

That “other day” arrived all these years later, when I booked Paris for my birthday with my sister, the best spring getaway and one of my highlights of the year. And the best, most luxe souvenir that I brought back with me was the kind you can’t pack in a suitcase.

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Paris Nights

If you’ve been to Paris, perhaps you already know that every hour on the hour the Eiffel Tower gets LIT. An abundance of sparkling lights in the city of lights!

And thanks to my sister’s hotel status, we were the lucky ones with an upgrade to a room that overlooked this nightly light show. So as we made our way back from each day’s adventures, we would shed our layers from the day and settle in for a little sparkle-sparkle! It became the celebration of a day well spent, night after night.

But there was something else that added a little touch of luxury each night as we wound down the day: turndown service! Do you know the kind? Where housekeeping comes in when you are away, turns the bed sheets down, draws the curtains, dims the lights, and places slippers by the bed. No detail is spared; they even switched the TV to soothing sleep music. It was a sleeper’s paradise, with all the external signals that it was time to rest.

This is where I discovered the ultimate evening routine: turndown service and the final light show of the night.

And this is where it clicked for me: turndown service is peak luxury.

The Luxe Life

“Champagne Wishes & Caviar Dreams” was the catch phrase used to end every episode of the 80’s show Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous. It was a series that offered a glimpse into the lavish and extravagant lifestyle of luxury. It was perhaps a little gaudy and ostentatious; today we might even call it gauche.

But in the era of tv that popularized Cheers, give me “champagne wishes & caviar dreams” over a bar where everyone knows your name, any day.

The show didn’t just provide insight into how the rich lived; it also gave us the blueprint for a luxury mindset. The lux mindest is all about the desire to turn the drab delightful, the bland beautiful, and the mundane magical.

And it turns out you don’t need beaucoup bucks or access to generational wealth to start to live your own luxe life. You can live a luxe life every single day, through your habits.

Richer Habits: Sleep

Let’s take sleep, for example. Sleep is one of those things that, once dialed in, can give you all the happy hits:

• Healthier. When you are well rested, you have more vibrancy: it boosts your immune system and improves physical performance and daily function.

• Hotter. Getting enough quality sleep will help you glow from the inside out: it improves mood, helps regulate emotions, and reduces stress.

• Smarter: Sleep is the #1 habit you can prioritize if you are trying to work smarter not harder: when you sleep, your subconscious processes the day, consolidates memories, and literally solves problems while you rest.

• Richer: Waking up from a good night’s rest will boost your problem-solving and creativity IRL (the conscious mind), and that’s how we make money, honey!

TLDR; sleep will make you hotter, richer, smarter, and healthier.

Morning routine gets all the attention, but when we are talking about the MVP of better habits, sleep, evening routine is the real hero of all better everything.

In its most basic form it is bland, drab, and mundane: brush teeth, wash face, put on PJs (or don’t). But now that you know better (luxury is a state of mind), you can do better.

Introducing, Turndown Service.

Turndown Service is something that can take you as little as 2 mins, and it is the luxe habit that I didn’t know I needed (so maybe it’s the same for you!).

Luxe Sleep, a Recipe

Since this series is all about Micro Habits, I’m sharing my version of Turndown Service, the minimum viable dose, based on my Paris nights. Please delight in making this all your own:

1. Set Up A Trigger. Every good habit or routine starts with a trigger, that thing that signals: it’s time! Here are some that work for me. You should consider what works for you, keeping in mind that we are channeling that luxury mindset, so make it magical!

   1. Phone Alarm: set a cute tone/tune as a daily alarm for when you need to begin Turndown Service

   2. Alexa/Google Smart Speakers: set to play a sleep vibes playlist at a certain time each night.

   3. Lights: set your lights to dim when it’s time for turndown service, it helps set the sleep vibes.

2. Create Your Turndown Service Checklist: Housekeeping might not be coming in each night to fluff your pillows, but it doesn’t take long to run through a quick checklist of setting up your sleep environment for that sweet, deep sleep. Here’s what the experts recommend, including links to what I use if you need a rec.

   1. White Noise: proven to help you fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer. My air purifier doubles as a white noise machine for me, and I love it [amazon link to the one I have]!

   2. Blackout Curtains/Eye Mask: total darkness signals to your brain that it is time to sleep and boosts deep sleep. I love a silk eye mask, and this one from Quince is my new fave.

   3. Chill Zone: studies show that a cool, dark environment acts as a signal for your circadian rhythm, and something like 60-67° is just right for boosting your natural melatonin and helping you fall asleep faster. Because I love automation, I have the Nest Thermostat that does this for me.

   4. Bonus Sleep Magic: I live for a weighted blanket [this is the one I have] and mouth tape [this one delights me]

3. Add A Luxe-Touch: Luxury when it comes to evening routine feels like: good skin care, silky pajamas, salt baths, aromatherapy. This is where you can make it your own: what does luxury feel like to you?

4. Go Low Tech: The bedroom is where the magic happens, so make it a distraction-free zone by charging your phone in the other room, turning the tv off (or not having one in the bedroom to begin with, and if you’re feeling really wild turn off your wifi overnight for the ultimate unplug.

5. Ready Your Mind: Sometimes the hardest thing to turn off at night is our brains.If that’s the case for you, here are some ideas for what you might want to try. Breathwork is the most low-tech: inhaling and exhaling through a space in your body (your heart, or the space between your eyebrows works great), for anywhere from 5-20 full cycles of breath. If you need reinforcement, you can try a sleep meditation, a sleep app, or doing evening pages as part of your evening routine (3 pages of journaling as a brain dump for everything on your mind).

Upgrade your evening routine, babe. You deserve it.

With Champagne Wishes & Caviar Dreams,

The holiday season is upon us, and with it the ever-increasing demands on our time and energy.

We’ve spent an entire year DO-ing. And as much as the hustle-bustle of the holidays would suggest otherwise:

now is the season for less doing and more being.

Be present.

Be grateful.

Be fabulous.

Be {fill in the blank with your vibe for this time of year}.

Our “doing” energy this time of year is best used tidying up loose ends, finishing the things we started earlier in the year, and dialing in habits that will help us finish the year on a high note. And when it comes to habits and the holidays, permission to do the least (when doing the most is unrealistic).

‘Tis the season to be merry, and to go micro with your habits.

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What are Micro habits?

Micro habits are the habits that take you two minutes or less. Think: brushing your teeth, making your bed, and making your coffee. These are the kind of micro habits that are so ingrained in our daily rituals that we do them practically automatically.

And you can use this micro habit approach for the hustle & bustle of the holiday season, or really any time life gets hectic. The idea is to find the smallest increment or dose possible that still has impact.

Start with Visualization

If this is truly the season to be merry and to BE, start with what that looks like for you. Close your eyes. And picture her.

• how is she dressed?

• where is she?

• who is she with?

• how is she moving?

• how does she feel?

• what’s on her mind?

Picture the dream version of you in several different scenarios: starting her day, gathered with family, traveling, and doing her most important work. What is the vibe? And what sort of habits might support that vibe?

My dream self is dressed in holiday cheer, with the ones that she feels most connected to, at ease (and dare I say not easily triggered). She’s not frenzied, disassociated, or running perpetually late. The vibe is very much “vibrant and at ease.”

I aspire to be her. All holiday season long.

The habits that support that vibe? The same ones that have served me all year. But as I pack for Thanksgiving I’m considering some 2-minute versions of familiar habits.

Here are three microhabits that I’m playing with this holiday season.

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1- Connecting with my Inner Child

Your “inner child” is the part of your subconscious mind that holds your childhood memories, emotions, and experiences, both positive and negative.

Whether you realize it or not, she is often running in the background. But around the holidays, with family dynamics and traditions aplenty, your inner child is more easily triggered. All she needs is some attention.

Here’s how I’m giving mine some attention, but going micro with it:

I keep this picture of younger me on my desk and on my phone as a reminder of my 7 year old self essence. Then I close my eyes and have a conversation with her:

• I start out by acknowledging her spunk and admiring her unapologetic way of moving through the world.

• I then tell her a little bit about me - where I live, how old I am, and what events I have coming up.

• I ask her if she needs anything from me.

• I ask her if there are any messages she has for me.

• I thank her and tell her I’ll be talking to her again soon.

This summer I did 21 Days of IFS Parts work, and this is a version of that. And I’m playing with this concept of a 2-minute check-in with my inner child during the holidays.

Today when I talked to her she asked if I wanted to go rollerskating. While we skated I filled her in with my latest: where I live, who I’m dating, the job I’m interviewing for, what we are doing for Thanksgiving. She wasn’t very concerned with the details, she just reminded me how much she loves to play. She made me promise that I would stay playful in it all. I promised (and packed my rollerblades for Thanksgiving).

2- Adding time to BE in my Calendar

The thing about less doing and more being, is that for most of us our default is to DO. And I have an overly scheduled calendar to prove it. But for the rest of the year I want to carve out more white space in my calendar to BE.

My nieces came over yesterday to paint placemats for Thanksgiving, it’s this thing we do every holiday. And when I have plans with them I tend to work right up until the moment they either arrive or I need to leave to go pick them up.

But you know what felt amazing? Blocking off 30 minutes on my calendar pre-paint project and calling it EASE. It allowed me to transition from work mode to play mode. It allowed me time and space and ease to set up my space for fun and play and painting. (It’s not lost on me that in the morning I was talking to my inner child about play and by afternoon I was playing with my nieces via our paint project, there’s something very magical about having little loves in my life).

The action of creating white space on my calendar and blocking time for ease and transition on my calendar is the micro habit that I’ll be practicing all season long.

3- Intention Question of the Day

My intention for how I wanted to feel in 2025 was thriving (my word for the year). I also like to set intentions throughout the year specific to travel, projects, and the like.

Here’s how it works for travel: I set an intention for how I want to feel during the trip. A single word. And then every decision that arises I can just ask: will this make me feel the way I want to feel? If yes, proceed enthusiastically.

Taking that into the holidays, I have set an intention to feel connected. So as a micro habit, I am going to ask myself this every morning:

What can I do today to feel more connected?

In this way, I get to curate my own experience and filter every decision through the lens of connectedness.

How do you want to feel this holiday season? And what can you do right now to feel that way?

Happy Holidays,

At first, it was new and fun. My internal dialogue sounded something like this:

• 💦 Never have I ever tried to consume a gallon of water a day; maybe now I can use the entirety of my colorful collection of water bottles.

• 📸 I have to commit to taking a photo of myself daily? Loves it!

• 💪🏼 Two 45-minute workouts a day is more than double what I currently do, but I’ll probably look like a supermodel by the end of it. So let’s do it!

• 🍽️ Love following a nutrition plan; hell yeah, that I get to choose which one.

• 🚫 How hard could 75 days of no alcohol be?

• 📖 Oh! And reading 10 pages of a non-fiction book every day, I’ll just switch my audible habit to this, voila.

I made myself a fun little tracker in Canva. I filled every colorful waterbottle I had in my possession until I reached a gallon. And I just began.

The thing that I realized very quickly is that even the simplest of new habits (like taking a daily photo) takes time and energy. Adding 7 new habits? The feeling of can’t-keep-up-ness hits you almost immediately. Yes, I know, I get it, I get it. It’s meant to build mental toughness. But your girl wasn’t trying to join the military; she just needed a little habit glow-up.

The Facts of Life (re Time & Energy)

Our time and our energy are finite. I know, little-miss-captain-obvious over here. But there’s good news and bad news to this finite-ness:

• 🙆🏼‍♀️Good news: we all get the same 24 hours.

• 🤷🏼‍♀️Bad news: anything you want to add or take away is a math equation (which is maybe only bad news if you hate math…but it gets complicated).

Adding one new habit? That’s simple math.

Adding 7 new habits? We’re talking advanced calculus. Can it be done? Absolutely! But in order to add, you have to take away. Because the sum of all the parts is still 24. And we aren’t just talking time, we are also talking energy. So that checklist of all new everything, requires a bit of an overhaul.

Energy is just as finite as time, it’s just less tangible. Not to mention less reliable. For example, if you unexpectedly wake up sick one morning, you still have the same 24 hours as if you woke up healthy and energized. But now, your day is going to look drastically different. Because now you need more time for rest & recovery. Which means less time for getting things done. And when it comes to a habit regimen that is changing everything all at once, even if you find the time, you may not always be able to find the energy.

Put another way, if you want to add 90 minutes of working out to your day, that time and energy has to be borrowed from something else in your day. For 75 days, in this case. And even when you are good at managing your energy to make the most of your time, it becomes a juggling act real quick when it’s compounded by multiple habits all at once.

Is It Complicated, or Unrealistic?

It’s both. And herein lies the problem.

It’s unrealistic because it’s everything all at once, and it represents a significant % of change for how you spend your time and energy each day, that the odds are stacked against you before you even begin. Not to mention that it’s a list of things that may or may not be personally valuable or purposeful to you.

It’s complicated because there is no framework to follow, no proven system for success, no acknowledgement of the ecosystem of your already well-curated life. A checklist and a slogan of “just don’t quit” is not a program. It’s giving survival of the fittest.

At the time, I followed podcasts and blogs of mere mortals (like myself) who were trying the program. They started with enthusiasm. Powered through the hard days. Only to encounter a weekend or event that put the checklist to the test. And BAM: they missed a day.

And just like that, everything they had done up to that point was for nothing. They had to start back at the beginning. But then they never did. Start back at the beginning. Because you’d have to be a glutton for punishment to try again at something that’s going to make you feel even worse than if you never attempted at all.

Been there, done that, learned my lesson.

Energy is Expensive

Before I knew it, and well before the 75 days were up, my time trying 75 Hard was dunzo. I lasted 21 days, because that’s how long I give something to see if it’s right for me.

It touts that it helps people build mental fortitude, break out of a rut, and transform their entire lives. Maybe. For a certain type of person. Who likes someone else’s habits and thrives on an all-or-nothing approach. But that’s not for me.

Did I spend any money on it? No. Did I spend time and energy on habits and an approach that did not serve me? Yes. And energy is expensive. Not just mine, but yours too.

Life is too sweet, our time is too valuable, and our energy is a luxury item. Which is why when it comes to habits, I learned my lesson about following advice from a podcast bro peddling mental fortitude: it’s not for me.

And that is how I found myself in the conundrum of it being the right time for better habits, but just the wrong habits and a nonexistent framework.

There Is a Better Way

This isn’t a slam-piece on 75 Hard (necessarily). I don’t even know if it’s still a thing. And I’m sure it works for the right kind of person. But my lived experience through someone else’s habit program is what motivated me to share a different way of doing habits.

No mental torture. All custom-designed by you, to you, for you. In less than an hour. And then you have 21 days to play in the space of building the habit. It’s the framework I developed over a decade ago that works on every habit imaginable.

Just one habit at a time, so it fits into your already well-curated life. And you can rinse-repeat for every habit that comes next. Realistic. Sustainable. Life-changing.

The proof is in the pudding, as they say. And there has never been a better time of the year for revisiting your routines, shaking up your rituals, and experimenting with fresh habits!

In which case, it’s just a matter of:

• 🎯choosing your right next habit (ideas in this post)

• 🗺️designing your 21-day habit project (it starts with how you want to feel)

• 🏁& beginning

Better habits, faster results, and no impending dread of having to start all over. Because your time and energy are more valuable than that.

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Have you ever started something, but not finished? Maybe the magic sparkle of it wore off after a few days. It could just be that it didn’t give you the feeling of razzle dazzle you thought it might.

There are any number of reasons why something that we set out to do starts out so strong and with enthusiasm and conviction, but then falls by the wayside too quickly. It could have been that the thing was too unattainable, too unsustainable, too [insert valid reason for not carrying on]. Or it just simply wasn’t for you.

The exciting thing about life is that we get to try new things! We get to test-drive, experiment, try-before-we-buy, prototype a thing before we adopt it as our entire personality or a completely new identity.

The challenge of anything that we start is that it may not stick. And the problem isn’t so much in the stickiness, or lack thereof. The problem is the meaning we attach to the thing that we start and do not finish.

Pura Vida

I once rented a house in Costa Rica, invited my besties, and signed us all up for surf lessons, deep sea fishing, and ziplining for the ultimate getaway.

But FIRST: a half ironman triathlon. Lol. This is very me-coded.

The race day agenda was stacked: an early morning triathlon start, friends arriving throughout the day, and a welcome party with a private chef to kick off the festivities!

And then the wheels started to fall off my best laid plans. Literally and figuratively. And I didn’t finish the race. In race terms, it’s called a DNF. Did. Not. Finish.

Was I bummed and disappointed? Absolutely. Did I process my feelings about it at the time? How could I, it was the land of Pura Vida. Bad vibes, never heard of them. The itinerary beckoned me onward, and I brushed the disappointment under the rug.

And I know I don’t have to tell you that anytime you brush something under the rug it doesn’t go away, it just gets filed away in your subconscious. And this particular memory was filed under: I didn’t finish what I started.

The subconscious is tricky like that. It can latch on to something that happens and create an internal thought loop that is completely unhelpful. And even worse: it just runs in the background, with occasional subtle digs of disdain and mistrust.

When I flew back from vacay I carried on with life. Externally, no one would have been the wiser. But internally, that subconscious loop was alive and well. And a little spicy: when it felt the need, which was more often that I would like to admit, it would remind me about that time I didn’t finish what I started.

And then one day, I was over it. Over the subtle digs from me to me. Which is where I found myself when I decided it was time to prove it wrong.

The Secret Magic of 21 Days

One day became Day 1 when I decided it was time to trust myself again to finish what I started.

I needed my own personal comeback tour. So I came up with the idea to commit to doing one thing for 21 days. Over and over again, for as many times as it took to get my groove back. To trust myself again to finish what I started. To rewire my brain to create a new belief. The new belief that failure doesn’t live here.

Best case scenario, I would actually live my best life yet. Worst-case scenario, I would pick up some better habits along the way. But it was less about habits at the time and more about believing the best about myself.

So every 21 days, I committed to something new. Failure didn’t live here, and I was ready to prove it. Some 21 days projects were health-related, others were tied to my career, finances, lifestyle, or relationships. Since they were all connected, the more 21 day projects I did the more I thrived. Spoiler alert, I did miss some days that year. But since it was less about perfection and more about trusting myself again, it never set me back.

It took 1 day to begin. 1 week to feel the difference. 2 weeks to make it my whole personality. 3 weeks to feel unstoppable. And within 6 months I was practically unrecognizable.

Turns out I was right. Failure never lived here.

And just like that I had unlocked a secret magic of The Habit Code.

The Thing With Better Habits

The year I cracked the code on better habits from the inside out changed my life. That's why I had to turn it into something that anyone could use, on any habit of their choosing.

If you:

☑️ have the ping to start something new (and want to avoid start-stop cycle that keeps you stuck right where you've always been)

☑️ crave consistency that is easier done than said (and not the other way around)

☑️ expect your habits to actually make you feel a certain way (and not just be a thing to check off of a never-ending, ever-growing daily to-do list)

☑️ have been putting off better habits until you have more time and energy (even though you suspect better habits will give you more time and energy)

I am suggesting that now is the season, this is the time, there has never been a better day than today to begin!

Ideas for Where to Begin

Your habits should be making you hotter, richer, smarter or healthier. Here are some quick ideas for what those habits might look like, you will know best.

Healthier

• yoga

• running

• food journal

• 10k steps (with or without a weighted vest)

• following a specific nutrition plan

• kettlebells

Richer

• no-spend: choose a category and go all in on not spending for 21 days (take-out, taxis, amazon, alcohol).

• cash budget

• daily money date

• daily scan for your dream job on LinkedIn

Smarter

• not being late

• using a new technology (ai, notion, asana etc)

• learning a new skill

• reading/listening to a personal development book

Hotter:

• gratitude journal (for your partner or even close friends)

• prayer practice

• parts work (the Internal Family Systems Workbook works well for this)

• morning pages (3 pages of stream of consiousness journalling)

These are but a few! Choose the category that needs the most attention, start with how you want to feel, commit to 21 days of a habit that you think will make you feel that way. Deceivingly simple, incredibly effective!

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