From Zero to Triggered in 3 Seconds
And My Attempt to Find the Pause Button
Surprise!
The other day, I found myself in one of those ‘excuse-me-what?’ moments where life unfolded in it’s own chaotic way despite my best laid plans.
Someone I have been seeing asked me out and when we agreed to Saturday morning he suggested we meet at his place so he could show me his new digs. We finalized plans the night before and when I offered to bring coffee and asked his coffee order he said ‘Surprise me.’
(I love this for me, by the way! If you ever ask me to do this, I am just bringing you what I’m having — which is what I wanted to do all along — and calling it the Steph-experience…but back to surprises).
Only he was the one surprising me, when I showed up and no one was home.
I texted: I’m here, but suddenly worried I’m at the wrong address. He called: I’m so sorry, I lost track of time, I’ll be there in 30 minutes.
And just like that — I felt triggered.
Space
This quote, attributed to Viktor Frankl, says it all:
Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
It’s so aspirational, this space he speaks of. Space to choose our response. I’ve come to refer to it as the sacred pause and I relish the idea of carving out space to choose a response.
My quarterly retreat is just such a space — a whole week to take a sacred pause. Even if this isn’t exactly what Viktor was talking about (after all it’s planned months in advance, with a purpose and an intent and a whole itinerary), it is a pause from the stimulus of the day to day and it is in the spirit of growth and freedom.
And I told you about Gabriel Medina's sacred pause, how he stepped away from surfing for 6 months after the Tokyo Olympics to tend to his personal life. Again, not a perfect fit, but I think it counts. When you pull yourself away from the daily stimulus you have time to recalibrate, reorganize, and respond better on the other side.
Ahhh, the luxury of time in this pause — it’s SO good.
But what if there is no time? What if the stimulus is on the other end of the phone waiting on your response in real time?
Stimulus
Most of the time the pause is so quick that if you blink, you might miss it. And when the stimulus is triggering, it is hardly fathomable that you could have anything but a knee-jerk reaction.
I realized all at once that where I was excited, he was distracted.
And in that moment it felt like we weren’t just on different ends of town — we were in different hemispheres.
I didn’t have the luxury of a week in Paris or a six month surf hiatus to work it out. I had what felt like a millisecond — the slimmest of spaces to choose my response.
And so I did, respond.
“I’m going to take a drive around the neighborhood,” I said after a long pause, “check out the scene.” I do, in fact, like to check out the scene. Was that what I had in mind for this particular Saturday morning, absolutely not. But I knew it would buy me more space.
I didn’t say I’d be back, I kept it open ended so I could harness this power to choose my response that Viktor makes sound so easy.
Whether you have six months, a week, or just a millisecond—the power is in the pause.
Because that space, no matter how small, is our chance to grow. Our chance for freedom. Our chance to examine if our old knee-jerk reactions still serve us.
And as for what I did next?
I left his coffee on his front stoop and took a drive around the neighborhood, for starters.
What would you do?
Stay tuned, I’ll share the rest of the story along with some quick tips for making the most of your pause—whether you’ve got months, days, or just a moment to work with.
Subscribe and come along for the journey.
What’s the daily stimulus in your life—and do you ever give yourself the space to pause before reacting? That’s where growth, clarity and freedom live, afterall.
If you’re feeling called to create more space (but aren’t sure where to start), I can help. As a former corporate executive turned strengths-based coach, I specialize in helping ambitious women—like you—shift from knee-jerk reactions to life to more intentional living and, ultimately, thriving.
If you want to explore what this looks like for you, let’s connect over a discovery call and get you thriving asap. You can Book Your Call Here>
On the edge of my seat!
Love this!