1This is part 4 of my 4-part (for now) Audacity Series: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
The World is Your Oyster
Two years ago this week, I pushed off from the safe shoreline of a corporate paycheck with a dream of entrepreneurship. My dream is coaching women who have gotten everything they wanted (or not) and are ready for *next*.
My entire life story has been one of two experiences:
🏅arriving at the thing I wanted and then asking myself “now what?”
OR
❌not attaining the thing I wanted, feeling hella confused, and then asking myself “now what?”
Either way, the answer has always been the same: *next*.
And for the last 3 years of my corporate experience, I had the unique opportunity to coach employees as they navigated their own version of *next*: Next promotion, next project, next change, next challenge. It was the time in my career that I felt the most excited and the most connected to my purpose and I LOVED it!
Which is how I found myself in my own version of *next*: entrepreneurship. And considering I was doing it in the era of early-AI and all-remote-everything there was no doubt in my mind that the world was my oyster and the pearls were mine to find.
Did I know just how rare it is to find a pearl in an oyster? Absolutely not.
Was I better off not knowing? Naturally.
If You Build It, Will They Come
I kicked off my new business venture with the very thing I craved: a holistic mini retreat. Think limited capacity, wellness amenities, group yoga, one-on-one coaching, and a curated schedule to move through the experience.
This made all the sense in the world to me at the time. I had all the qualifications, all the credentials, all the DNA (my mom was a travel agent for decades curating experiences for others), and I had been running retreats and conferences for years. This was simply putting it all together in a mini-experience that felt aligned for my new business.
Designing the experience was undoubtedly in my wheelhouse. Marketing it, on the other hand, was not. I just kind of figured if I build it, they will come.
Making It a No Brainer
It’s not that I had no marketing skills; it’s just that mine were very niche. In my corporate life, I had to “market” my solutions to one stakeholder, maybe a handful at most.
My first year in public accounting, laptop computers were just replacing desktop models. And while the laptops were exceptionally portable, they were missing the one thing that tax accountants need most: a 10-key number pad.
So I did what any first-year with bodacious audacity would do: I booked a meeting with the lead partner and pitched the idea of everyone getting a 10-key. I made the case that us “number crunchers’ needed a tool to do the most with numbers.
And the only question the partner asked in response that day was: how much?
I know this solution sounds super obvious, but the dynamic at the time was: be grateful for what you have and if you need it, you should go buy it yourself. But I saw it differently. Like, if it was going to make us all better (and faster) at what we do best, then everyone should have one!
The good news: the partner thought it was a no-brainer! And I emerged from his office excited to report back to all the naysayers who told me just to be grateful:
Since that day, every single thing I have ever done in my corporate America consulting experience has followed the same exact pattern: Problem > Solution > Make it a No Brainer to one person > Go Do Your Work Excellently.
Rinse-repeat. For decades.
So when I started my business venture with a mini-retreat, that’s what I knew worked. And I made it a no-brainer to one person.
Patience, Never Heard of Her
The problem was, that one person was me. I didn’t sell out the retreat. No. one. signed. up. at. all.
I did end up having the retreat. For the one person, me. But for all intents and purposes, it was a failed launch. I didn’t just lose money on it, I lost a little trust in myself.
I used this mini-retreat-for-one to feel ALL THE THINGS: disappointed, confused, betrayed (by the part of me that thought this was a good idea), but most of all: impatient.
Impatient for success.
And this is where I first met her: little miss impatience.
There is a therapeutic model based on the concept that each of us are made up of multiple sub-personalities, or “parts”. A quick explanation if you’ve never heard of this:
🧠 IFS: If you want to get technical it’s called Internal Family Systems, and your parts are the “family”.
🧠 Inside-Out: If you want to get pop-culture-y, it’s what is portrayed in the Pixar “Inside Out” films.
🧠 Parts Work summarized: your brain is made up of all these amazing parts that want you to thrive. And while there are no bad parts, there are parts that want to keep you safe and all parts have the potential to go rogue if not given attention. They like to be involved in everything, so talking to them helps.
Little Miss Impatience was one of my parts. And she was pissed.
Little Miss Impatience can really be so fun! She exists in a world where everything is urgent, which can come in SUPER useful. She is quick to take imperfect action, she is unconcerned with the fear of failure. She is who you want to call when you are up against a deadline or need something immediately because that is her specialty! She is also who you want to call when you are launching something for the first time and are eager to put it out in the world. You say “help please” and she says “how fast!?”
For all her wonderful attributes, there are some complications. For starters, everything is urgent to her. She rides a little too heavy on the gas pedal, she inexplicably needs the closest parking spot, and don’t even get her started on same day shipping from Amazon SHE LOVES IT! The faster the better.
And what I’ve learned about her is, because she THRIVES in urgency, she creates situations of urgency. Could she get to the airport in plenty of time to relax with a cup of coffee and a book at the gate, of course. Does she want to? Absolutely not…there’s no urgency in that. And so at times she can stall until the last minute, create urgency, and voila, she gets to be the star of the show. Or so she thinks.
She loved getting her way that day in the partner’s office: ask and you shall receive…immediately! She hated when her tactics didn’t result in immediate success for the mini-retreat: she was confused and disoriented.
Measure of Success
It turns out that little miss impatience is actually two parts that sometimes partner up: patience & urgency. Patience actually has all the time in the world, she loves the long game of something, she likes leaving early for things so she doesn’t feel rushed. And when she partners up with urgency together they can be a real powerhouse. Turns out they can also be an absolute wrecking ball together.
I share all of this because this has been my assignment since the moment I decided to grow my own business. This is the work. THIS is the measure of success.
This is what I’ve learned: success is an inside job.
YES, I have learned about marketing funnels and expert copy and content pillars and all of the systems that you need to make the entire machine of a business work. But the measure of “success” has been less about sales and more about meeting the parts of me that have been playing in the background of everything I do.
When they say that success is an inside job, I always thought it was a mindset thing. And I have “mindset” for days. For me, it has been different. The inside job has been about getting to know all of the parts of me that make me ME (especially the spicy ones).
A Love Letter To My Parts
The parts of me that are always cheering me on and believing I can do the impossible: they are easy to love, to keep close, to invite into every project, launch, adventure, and lesson. They are patience and enthusiasm and ingenuity and curiosity, to name a few.
The parts of me that try to protect me from every potential demise (and therefore can get a little spicy): I have had to learn to love, to value, to keep close, to invite into every part of my business. These are my protector parts and they are control and inner skeptic and anxiety and defensiveness, to name a few.
I didn’t know before I began that the protector parts have just been running in the background, trying to keep me safe. I also didn’t know that they have a tendency to overreact, to get trapped in an old story, and if ignored, will keep me small, so I don’t get hurt.
The process of becoming a solopreneur involves wearing so many hats and learning everything you need to know about how to run a business all at once. For me it has been a very delicate eco system of learning and doing and iterating and trying again. And my greatest success has been in not ignoring any of my parts. They are brilliant and amazing and creative and cooperative. They are also not afraid to wreak havoc to get my attention.
Two years ago I had this big dream of what I could do *next* with my one wild and precious life. Happy two year anniversary to us: me & all my parts!
Advice I Would Give 2-Years-Ago Me
If you are navigating your own era of having the bodacious audacity to try something new with your career, this might help. It’s very specific to my entrepreneur journey, but rings true for every time I have navigated a career change. 10 Things I would tell 2-Years-Ago-Me (that I am also reminding today-me):
The World IS Your Oyster. There’s never been a better time to lean into what lights-you-up and figure out how to get paid for it! You’ve never been in a better position to be the right person in the right place at the right time. Don’t fall for propoganda that would convince you otherwise.
The Pearls ARE Rare. Be open to where you will find them, I have found that they usually show up where I least expected.
»Here’s one of mine: the sale of my NYC apartment, which was an income portal that was delightfully unexpected and also right on time. I talk about it in this podcast episode, where my friend Kaia (rest in peace sweet friend) interviewed me: Click to Listen. The backstory is that my neighbor happened to notice that my renters were moving out and emailed me immediately to make me an offer I couldn’t refuse.
Live Your Dream Life Now. Live your dream life on your way to success. Your frequency is the way you show up and I cannot urge you enough to show up as your dream life version every single day. In your dream life what are wearing, how are you moving, how do you talk, who are you talking to, what do you listen to. Curate that for yourself and live that life. If not now, WHEN?! And pro-tip: it’s allowed to change, as frequently as you’d like.
» As soon as I switched my point of view to one of I get to live my dream life every day, so much shifted for me. You get to, now go actually do it: live your dream life.
Have Nervous System Rituals: Your nervous system is what gets activated when something happens that puts you in fight-or-flight mode. Even though very little of our day-to-day is a matter of life and death, the nervous system can still get activated as if it is. And when the nervous system is activated, it spikes cortisol in your body, and next thing we know you are stressed AF. Have some rituals to calm your nervous system, that’s all!
»I built a nervous system toolkit for myself, in case you need some inspo you can view it here>.
Have a Recovery Plan: When you don’t get the thing you think you want, the disappointment is real. But how you recover from disappointment is the most valuable thing you can practice in the early days. This goes beyond nervous system rituals, this is about feeling your feelings and beginning again.
»Disappointment is actually one of my parts, I call her “bummer”. Just the other day she got bummed out by a boy. Bummer, right?!? Anyways, since it’s fresh here is exactly what I did for my recovery plan. This isn’t a prescription, as you’ll find your own way of recovering, but this was mine:
🤳🏼I texted my relationship coach
🧠I held a “parts meeting” so Disappointment could speak and the other parts could support her
🐚I held a “closing ceremony” where I released a shell into the bay
🎧I did a walking guided meditation called Clear Your Aura
🔥I saged + palo santo’d (in that order) my apartment
🎶I held a dance-party-for-one to Sia’s “I Want to Swing From the Chandeliers”, felt right…might still be doing this on the daily
Get Parts-Curious: The book No Bad Parts by Dr. Richard Schwartz was my gateway to Parts Work. There are also quite a few podcasts out there on Internal Family Systems. If you want to deep dive you can even find a therapist that specializes in IFS. Since “success is an inside job”, 10/10 recommend getting curious and seeing where it goes for you.
» I initially checked out the audio version of No Bad Parts from my local library on the Libby App. Now I have the paperback and the audible. What I loved most is at the end of each chapter, there is an exercise, most of which is a guided meditation. The GOLD of it all for me was the daily practice in Chapter 1.
Mine Your Past for Your Activated Parts: Your past is a gold mine of activated parts, and you never have to go that far back into your past. From a career perspective, go boldly BACK to the last year and any events, experiences, and interactions that were particularly spicy. Mine those for triggers, big feelings, and big emotions. Those are the triggered parts that are trying to get your attention. You can take them through the daily practice I referenced above.
» I told my story of little miss impatience above, but there is also the story of avoidance, imposter, and indignation. What can I say, I’m a human living a human experience and just getting to know my parts. These are stories that aren’t ready to be told, but I am noticing in my writing how my parts LOVE being the main character, so maybe soon.
Have an Inner Circle: Your inner circle will be the people that will hold your tears when they flow without warning, celebrate BIG time when the time is right, and expand you in all the ways you need to make your big bodaciously audacious dream a reality. Anyone outside of the inner circle just needs to know that you are living your dream life, nothing more.
» I have no doubt that most people in my circle of acquaintances want me to succeed (at least I assume so). But since a lot of people don’t know how to express that in a meaningful way, they might express it as unsolicited advice. Having been on the receiving end of unsolicited advice that was not only not helpful, but somewhat demoralizing, I identified a Top 10 as my Inner Circle. I will listen to any advice they want to give me with curiosity. But if you aren’t in my Top 10, boundaries! Boundaries can be silent, and they should always be kind.
Have a Tech Stack: You need tech stack to master your time and energy. At a minimum that is your email, your calendar, your to do list, and a place where people can buy from you. What is your version of that? Start there, leverage it to the hilt, and add on sparingly as needed.
»My basic stack is Google > Notion > Kajabi. If nothing else those need to be tended to every day. Beyond that I have a stack for every initiative. For example, this blog is part of my content initiative, specifically my blog. This tech stack is Substack > Audacity (where I record the audio version > (and if applicable) Giphy and/or Canva. I don’t use AI for this, but I do use AI to repurpose this into other content channels, each of which have their own stack. If you are curious about all the stacks, let me know I can do a post.
Swing from the Chandeliers: I saved the best for last! I have a part of me that I call “Sia” because she wants to swing from the chandeliers. If you are going to go for it, have the best time while you are at. Seriously, you may never be this way again (early stage business building), swing from the chandeliers in case you can’t do it in the next stage.
»this month I am swinging from the chandeliers and I cannot wait to showcase everything I’ve been working on in the container of a launch window! I won’t just tell you, I will show you…and I’m going to delight in every last second of it. Because I might not be this way again, so I’m going to live it to the hilt!